I saw him today! Him! No, not the HIM him, the other Him. You know, Him, the one who comes your way one day, and decides to fuck up your life, just for the heck of it! Yeah, that Him. It’s been about 3 years since I fell for him, and quickly then figured he was no good for me. He is this shiny phone that makes you want it, but upon a closer look it’s got shitty features. He is the big talker, the show-off, the idiot that thinks he’s got the world revolving around him. He is an insult to the liars all around. I mean, the guy was not even trying to hide anything! He would call me up whenever he wanted to, ask me out on a date and then cancel it the next hour, and would blatantly lie to me. I could catch more than half of his lying. What was the worst was that he had one other girl beside him. I must have been some naïve girl to have dated that piece of shit! Well I broke things between us, and it was really messy. Very messy. He broke me up somehow. I fell short of respect for myself. I kind of let him have the best of me. I was strong and I never did cry once, don’t get me wrong here! But he made me feel so bad about myself; I still have a hard time trusting anyone at all.
I think things have changed for the better, and that I came out of it a winner in my own place. I’m not who I was, finally. But then, today happened. Well, it’s not like I still like him, or whatever. I don’t honestly give a damn. But when the moment arrived, the gods of “I don’t honestly give a damn” left me alone, a petty prey to the ramblings of my own erratic mind. My friend must have understood when I suddenly took a breath in and stood still.
He was sitting about a foot next to me, his back towards me, and I felt nauseated. My brain told me to get the hell out of there! I couldn’t take one more step towards that guy! He repelled me like garlic did a vampire. I had to take a 360 degree turn, just so I could let my brain take a breather! I felt inhibited, ashamed that I could let the presence of him control me. What was happening? Surely, I was the survivor! I should have had the courage to stand up to him, belittle him in front of his fresh prey! But no, I was unable to even spare him a glance! Oh, the irony. He spotted me soon enough and came up to me & spoke to me. The sound of his awful voice, carved his words into my mind like daggers do a wall, “Hey honey, we haven’t met in a long time!” Oh, I could taste the sourness in his voice. I so wish I could have been one to kick his balls back inside his intestines! I wish I could him given him a cheekier answer. I wish I hadn’t been so timid as to march out of the place, my friend’s hand in mine.
But no, I never let him be the reason for my tears. I am entitled to the pride of having survived his fruity loops. No more of him please! I so wish that I had done what I couldn’t do. Since I am such a meekly human, this fantasy of kicking his puny ass will remain a dear, dear fantasy. I hope that someday I will give the sick dude what he deserves. And For now, I deeply hope that he reads this, somewhere in a dark corner, and is unable to make prey off of any other girl! Amen!